Mom got drunk and dad got drunk at a Christmas party We were drinkin' champagne, punchin' homemade eggnog Little sister brought her new boyfriend He was a Mexican We didn't know what to think of him Till he sang Feliz Navidad Brother Ken brought his kids with him The three from his first wife, Glenn And the two identical twins from his second wife, Mary Of course he brought his new wife, Kay Who talks all about A.A. Chainsmokin' while the stereo plays Noel, Noel, the first Noel Barf or turkey, turn the ball game on Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone Send somebody to the quick pack store We need some ice and extension cord A can of fiendy, plant some diorite A box of Pampers, some Marlboro lights Hallelujah, everybody sing Jesus, Merry Christmas from the family Fran and Rita drove from Harlan, Jim I can't remember how I'm kin to them But when they tried to put their motor home in They blew our Christmas lights Cousin David knew just what went wrong So we all waited out on our front lawn He threw the breaker and the lights came on And we sang Silent Night, Silent Night Oh, holy night Barf or turkey, turn the ball game on Mix Bloody Mary's cause we all want one Send somebody to the stop and go We need some celery and a can of fake snow A bag of lemons and some dying sprite A box of My Dolls, some Salem lights Hallelujah, everybody sing Jesus, Merry Christmas from the family Feliz Navidad