I just wanna feel alive Maybe I should start smoking Maybe I should tell her how I feel Maybe I should go and get my heart broke Maybe I should take a long walk Maybe I should put my goddamn phone down Maybe I should do it on my own Maybe I should stop by my grandma's house I was thinkin' bout a sunny day I was wonderin' how to make my dad proud Of the sunny rays I was wonderin' how these kids get hooked On these water days Funny thing, I be lookin' at him in a judgy way Truth is, I ain't never felt like I should run away I ain't never had to live a life that I fuckin' hate I know people livin' with a never-ending stomach ache But I've been wonderin' if I'm really happy I ain't sad, I'm just wonderin' if I'm really happy I've been wonderin' if the *** that I've been chasin' Gonna be gratifying for me when it really happens I should be feelin' blessed, just be breathin' Lately, I can see the fight is stressin' out the demons Lately, I just seem to treat the *** like an achievement Goin' deeper with no depth and all I'm left with is some seemin' like Yeah I hope this *** was worth it Look at the mistakes that made me grow into this person I've been seein' all the flaws, but I know this one is perfect I just wanna feel alive Maybe I should start smoking Maybe I should tell her how I feel Maybe I should go and get my heart broke Maybe I should take a long walk Maybe I should put my goddamn phone down Maybe I should do a little more Maybe I should stop by my grandma's house Yeah, I was thinkin' bout a sunny day I was wonderin' how to make my dad proud of the sunny rays, yeah I was wonderin' how these kids get hooked on these wanted days, yeah Funny thing, I be lookin' at him in a judgey way Truth is, I ain't never felt like I should run away I ain't never had to live a life that I fuckin' hate I know people livin' with a never-ending stomach ache All that you been bringin' me is self-doubt I feel like they leechin' on my health now Ain't nobody thinkin' for themselves now All they worry bout is if they need you, can you help now? No All this *** gon' bring me to a meltdown No I done spent some weeks in the dark Only listenin' to beats in the seat Tryna start on these words and accelerate the beat from my heart Searchin' for that high again And I want this *** to last me more than five or ten Minutes at a time, take control of my environment Choosin' how my time is spent Gotta let you know that anybody with me in the middle of the night is liable to become my psychiatry Ain't it funny how that go? Everything been good, I just wanted you to know I been growin' and I just wanna feel alive Maybe I should start smokin' Maybe I should tell her how I feel Maybe I should go and get my heart broke Maybe I should take a long walk Maybe I should put my goddamn phone down Maybe I should do a little more Maybe I should stop by my grandma's house I was thinkin' bout a sunny day I was wonderin' how to make my dad proud of the sunny rays I was wonderin' how these kids get hooked on these modern days Funny thing, I be lookin' at him in a judgy way Truth is, I ain't never felt like I should run away I ain't never had to live a life that I fuckin' hate I know people livin' with a never-endin' stomach ache I know people livin' with a never-endin' stomach ache