Welcome, Monsieur. Sit yourself down and meet the best innkeeper in town. As for the rest, all of them crooks, rooking the guests and crooking the books. Seldom do you see honest men like me, a gent of good intent who's content to be. Master of the house, doling out the charm, ready with a handshake and an open palm. Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir, customers appreciate a bon vivre. Glad to do a friend a favor, doesn't cost me to be nice. But nothing gets you nothing, everything has got a little price. Master of the house, keeper of the zoo, ready to relieve them of a soup or two. Watering the wine, making up the wait, picking up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight. Everybody loves a landlord, everybody's bosom friend. I do whatever pleases Jesus, won't I bleed them in the end. Master of the house, quick to catch your eye, never wants a passerby to pass him by. Servant to the poor, butler to the great, comforter, philosopher and lifelong mate. Everybody's boon companion, everybody's chaperone. But lock up your belices, Jesus, won't I skin you to the bone. And tell monsieur, lay down your load, unlace your boots, rest from the road. This weighs a ton, travels a curse, but here we strive to lighten your purse. Here the goose is cooked, here the fat is fried, and nothing's overlooked till I'm satisfied. Food beyond compare, food beyond belief, mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef. Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat, filling up the sausages with this and that. Residents are more than welcome, bridal suite is occupied. Reasonable charges plus some little extras on the side. Charge for the lights, extra for the mics, 2% for looking in the mirror twice. Here a little slice, there a little cut, 3% for sleeping with the windows shut. When it comes to fixing prices, there are lots of tricks he knows. How it all increases, all limits in pieces, Jesus, it's amazing how it grows. Master of the house, quick to catch your eye, never was a passerby to pass him by. Servant to the poor, butler to the great, conforter, philosopher and lifelong mate. Everybody's room companion, gives them everything I've got. Dirty bunch of geezers, Jesus, what a sorry little lot. I used to dream that I would meet a prince, but God almighty, have you seen what's happened since? Master of the house, isn't worth my spit, comforter, philosopher and lifelong ***. Cunning little brain, regular voltaire, thinks he's quite a lover, but there's not much there. What a cruel trick of nature, landed me with such a louse. God knows how I've lasted living with this *** in the house. Master of the house, master and a half, comforter, philosopher, don't make me laugh. Servant to the poor, butler to the great, hypocrite and toady and inebriate. Everybody bless the landlord, everybody bless his spouse. Everybody raise a glass, raise it up the master's ass. Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house.