I never wanted to do this job in the first place!
I... I wanted to be...

A lumberjack!

(piano vamp)

Leaping from tree to tree! As they float down the mighty rivers of
British Columbia! With my best girl by my side!
The Larch!
The Pine!
The Giant Redwood tree!
The Sequoia!
The Little Whopping Rule Tree!
We'd sing! Sing! Sing!

Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.

Chorus: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,
He goes to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays 'e goes shoppin'
And has buttered scones for tea.

Chorus

I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around.... In bars???????

Chorus

I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels
Suspenders?? And a.... A Bra????
(spoken, raggedly) What's this? Wants to be a "girlie"? Oh, My!
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!

Chorus

All: He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaaaayyy..... (Bong)

Sound Cue: The Liberty Bell March, by John Phillip Sousa.
-or-
===============================================================================

Dear Sir,
I wish to complain on the stronglyest possible terms about the previous
Entry in this file about the lumberjack who wears womens' clothes. Some of
My best friends are lumberjacks, and only a few of them are transvestites.

Yours faithfully,
Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong, Mrs.

P. S. I have never kissed the editor of the radio times.