Here's guys going too fast for a lot of people.
And there's some people in here going,
who the hell is John Madden?
Why is this jackass drawing circles in the air?
This is the stupidest * I've seen all night.
This is terrible.
Buy some props.
I hate my mime is for idiots.
Apparently I don't even have a cigarette here.
I can explain this.
I have carpal tunnels.
In the sixties I was always saying peace,
in the seventies I was a hand model
for the international symbol of scissors.
And in the eighties I was always doing little bunny foo foo.
Little bunny foo foo,
hopping through the forest,
picking up the field mice and boom,
popping them on the head.
Finally this jackass is doing some intelligent comedy.
People tell me I look like a lot of people.
Don't say anything yet.
Some people think I look like John Goodman
because I'm so tall.
I was at all women's college in it.
Well, who cares where it was?
They thought I looked like the real life version
of Barney Rubble.
Oh *.
Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise.
If you smash their heads together and wiped away the bloody mess.
John Belushi.
Think I look like John Belushi?
If you don't think I look like John Belushi,
hold on.
Sometimes people say Chris Farley.
Just want to see if I'll do it.
What's amazing about Chris Farley is
the movie came out after he passed away.
A few months later he's in a Norm MacDonald's movie.
Imagine if that kept happening.
Farley kept showing up in movies,
be like a Tupac kind of thing.
13 years later,
you go into a movie theater like,
and a movie kept so top secret,
even his friends never knew it was made.
This summer,
the legend lives on because Chris Farley is Batman.
Guys are not ready for this.
I can tell you that right now.
I don't care.
Oh my freaking gourd.
I'm the cave crusader.
I lurk in the shadows.
I'm a creature of the night and have a little
bit of what you'd call a weight problem.
With Pauly Shore as Robin.
I'm the wiza, munchy munchy.
You're a little MTV piece of garbage,
you're the bad piece of Joe. I'm going
to get more motivational on your ass.
You might think you know what you're doing.
You're up there.
Thinking you're a tough guy.
Well, let me tell you this.
You don't know.
*.
*.