Prime Minister's office. Prime Minister speaking.Greetings. This is the Secretary of War at the State Department of the United States.We have a problem. The companies want something done about this sluggish world economic situation.Profits have been running more than a little thin lately, and we need to stimulate some growth.Now, we know that there's an alarmingly high number of young people roaming around in your countrywith nothing to do but stir up trouble for the police and damage private property.It doesn't look like they'll ever get a job.It's about time we did something constructive with these people.We've got thousands of them here, too. They're crawling all over.The companies think it's time we all sit down, have a serious get-together,and start another war.A president? Oh, he loves the idea.All those missiles streaming overhead to and fro.Hey, Paul. People running down the road, skin on fire.So did Seamon Ford.The Kremlin's been itching for the real thing for years.Want a little going-away present for Mr. Brezhnev?Well, Afghanistan's no fun.So, what do you say?We don't even have to win this war.We just want to cut down on some of this excess population.Hello, just start up a draft.Draft as many of those people as you can.We'll call up every last youngster we can get our hands onand give them an hour or two to learn how to use an automatic rifle.Send them on their way.El Salvador?Hello, Northern Ireland or El Paso?moderately repressive regime in South America.We'll just cook up a good Soviet threat storyin the Middle East.We need that oil.We had Libya all ready to go,and Colonel Qaddafi's hit squad didn't even show up.I tell you, that man is unreliable.Russians had their finger on the buttonjust like we did for that one.Just think for a minute.We can make this war so big, so big,the more people we kill in this war,the more the economy will prosper.We can get rid of practically everybody on your dole queueif we plan this right.Take every loafer on welfare right off our computer rolls.Oh, don't worry about those demonstrators.Just pump up your drug supply.So many people have hooked themselves on heroinand amphetaminessince we started the war.We took over.Just like Vietnam, we had everybody so busy with LSD,they never got too strong.Kept the war functioning just fine.It's easy.We got our college kids so interested in beer,they don't even care if we start manufacturing germ bombs again.Their nuclear stockpile in their backyard,they wouldn't even know what it looked like.So how about it?Look, war is money.The arms manufacturers tell me unless we get our bombs,bomb factories up to full production,the whole economy is going to collapse.The Soviets are in the same boat.We all agree the time has come to the big one.So what do you say?Oh, oh, oh, oh, it's marvelous.That's excellent.We knew you'd agree.The companies will be very pleased.