Santa's poppin' Lexapro
He's a hollow broken shell
The elves are screamin' unionize
And raisin' unholy hell
They want a 401k
And a dental plan with perks A chapter
7 bankruptcy is quietly in the works
The workshop's being audited for equity and race He's
gettin' a citation for a sustained blackened face
Mrs. Claus is in the
mountains Mojitos in the sun
Santa's stuck with his accountants Till the tax returns are done
Jingle bells,
total hell The reindeer are on strike
Santa's huddled with his lawyers Till the early morning light
The IRS,
the EPA
And O'Shine on his case
It's a bureaucratic nightmare At his frozen northern base
The reindeer
have a grievance Cause they're underrepresented
Rudolph filed a lawsuit He's extremely discontented
The sleigh is currently impounded
Cause it failed the small check test
Wild donners
on a bender Gettin' kicked out of the nest
Barry Brandon the naughty
list
As behaviorally diverse
And every plastic toy is now a planetary curse
Santa's drownin' in the paperwork Of carbon credit trades
The gingerbread department Lost their dough in offshore raids
Jingle bells,
frozen hell The reindeer are on strike Santa's
huddled with his lawyers Till the early morning light
The IRS,
the EPA
And O'Shine on his case It's a bureaucratic
nightmare At his secret northern base
The SEC is auditing his gift-based Ponzi scheme
And Peter's served by summons For the reindeer flight crew team
He's subpoenaed by the Hague For unauthorized border flights
And Benzon is suing For his global shipping rights
Jingle bells,
total hell The reindeer are on strike
Santa's huddled with his lawyers Till the early morning light
The IRS,
the EPA
And O'Shine on his case
The
North Pole is an equal opportunity
employer Gift-giving is not guaranteed
And is subject to a background check Of your social media history
Sleigh transit is contingent upon the
successful offset of carbon credits
For each reindeer's methane emissions
Santa Claus is a registered trademark
Of Kringle Global Corp.
All rights reserved void
Where prohibited by common sense