When I was born, there was a minor hitch If ugliness paid money, I'd be rich Such a fascinating case, my ass was cuter than my face The doctors couldn't tell which end was which When you're just a kid, you know it doesn't matter much The opposite *** pay no attention to your crutch But as the years go by, that's all we think about until we die So it's your birthday, here's to ya A day a one year uglier than you were yesterday Happy birthday, hip hip hooray When I was seventeen, I got addicted To any magazine that said restricted But I'd so many acne spots, there were no gaps between the dots The only love I got was self-inflicted But it don't matter much, especially when you're in your teens All you need's a good imagination and some magazines But as the years add up, you get more action Cause your standards drop So it's your birthday, here's to ya A day a far more desperate than you were yesterday Happy birthday, hip hip hooray The best thing about a birthday is when that wish you make Comes true and you can blow on something other than a cake It's your birthday, here's to ya A day a far more chubbier than you were yesterday Happy birthday, it's your birthday Happy birthday, hip hip hooray Happy birthday, hip hip hooray