I came crawling home last night, like many nights before I finally made it to my feet, as she opened up the door And she said, you're not gonna do this anymore She said, I'm gonna hire a wino, to decorate our home So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam We'll take out the dining room table, we'll put a bar along that wall And a neon sign will point the way to our bathroom down the hall She said, just bring those Friday paychecks, and I'll cash them all right here And I'll keep on tap for all your friends, their favorite kind of beer And for you, I'll always keep in stock those soft aluminum cans And when you're feeling macho, you can crush them like a man She said, we'll rip out all the carpet, and put sawdust on the floor Serve hot bald espressos, and I won't cook no more There'll be Monday night football on TV above the bar And a payphone in the hallway, when your friends can't find their car She said, I'm gonna hire a wino, to decorate our home So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam We'll take out the dining room table, and put a bar along that wall And a neon sign will point the way to our bathroom down the hall She said, you'll get friendly service, and a frightened atmosphere I'll slip on something sexy, and I'll cut it clear to hear Then you can slap my bottom, every time you tell a joke Just as long as you keep tipping, well I'll laugh until you're broke She said, instead of a family quarrel, we'll have a bar on the block When the hams bear says it's closing time, you won't have far to crawl And when you run out of money, you'll have me to thank You can sleep it off next morning, while I'm putting it in the bank She said, I'm gonna hire a wino, to decorate our home So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam Then when you and your friends get off from work, and you have a bar full of thirst Well there won't be any reason why you can't stop off here first She said, I'm gonna hire a wino, to decorate our home So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam We'll take out the dining room table, put a bar along that wall And a neon sign will point the way to our bathroom down the hall She said, I'm gonna hire a wino, to decorate our home So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam We'll take out the dining room table, put a bar along that wall