If I was your tv I'd be like look at me
If I was a shooting star I'd be like peace!
If I was a fat bitches thong I'd be like hell naw!
If I was a hotties thong I'd be like awwww...
If I was a cuss word I'd just be like ***
If I was a rock on the moon I'd be chillin like sup?
If I was a butthole I'd just be an exit
If I was the D. O. C. I'd be like man this is bullshit
If I was the tires on your car I'd be like neeeaaawww
If I was the bumper on your car I'd be like aww ***
If I was a balloon I'd be like pap
If I was allysa milano I'd be ***ing joe bruce
If I was a radio dj I'd probably say the point 103
If I was a richy ass bitch I'd be like umm... Ok
If I was spin magazine I'd put me on the cover and be like *** us! And
I wont read this, even us mother***er!
If I was your mental stress I'd be catching up
If I was your headaches every now and then I'd be like thonnnkk!!
If I was your tongue I'd be hating your teeth I'd be like man why do
You try to bite me every time we try to eat?
If I was a chair I'd be like sit here
If I was kid rock I'd cut my feathered wolf hair
If I was your muffler I'd be like shhh, quietly
If I was a price tag I'd be like you aint buying me
If I was a fresh ass dj I'd be like [records scratch]
If I was jam master j I'd be like [records scratch]
If I was a cheap clock radio I'd be like [static]
Tune that mother***er in
If I was barry white I'd be like what up yall?
If I was nipple in the cold I'd be like boing
If I was your dead uncle I'd be like.....
If I was a raindrop I'd just be like drip
And if I had an ax to your neck I might say chop!

[Chorus:]
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but you're killing me
If I was, if I was. But you're killing me

If I was a faygo at one of our shows, I'd fly through the air into and
Ocean of juggalos
If I was andre the giant this is how I'd be talking
If I was father mc I'd be like now what happened?
If I was a mirror, I'd find another mirror
And look each other dead in the eye, crystal clear
If I was a slider I'd slide out your butt
Id be floatin in your toilet lookin at you like what?
If I was a pilot I'd be like this is air traffic control
If I was john denver I'd be like nooooooo!!!!
If I was a switch I'd be like flick me, yoo-hoo
If I was a london cop car I'd be like wee-oop wee-oop
If I was chewbacca I'd get a fresh ass fade
If I was vanilla ice I'd be like *** yall. I'm still paid
If I was a stop sign I'd just be like stop
If I was your wooden leg I'd still be giving you the hip-hop
[chorus}