When it comes to hitching the boat up, Backing down the ramp in my old truck, To find a bunch of logs, To catch a bunch of hogs, Yeah I wrote the book, Yeah I wrote the book, If you wanna learn, To throw a curve right, Catch a clean up, Looking on a third strike, Talk a little smack, While he's walking back, Yeah I wrote the book, But there's one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand, One that says don't cuss and don't fight, Or let the bottle turn you into a different man, But damn if I don't do it every Friday night, Those get you in the head with letters in red, I ain't getting red enough to keep me on a straight line, I'm a jack of all trades, But man I gotta say, That's one book I didn't write, I met a good girl, She had her life straight, She said she loved that I was good at everything, One day she left me in a cloud of dust, Cause I never was too good at picking up, The one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand, One that says don't cuss and don't fight, Or let the bottle turn you into a different man, But damn if I don't do it every Friday night, Those get you in the head with letters in red, I ain't getting red enough to keep me on a straight line, I'm a jack of all trades, But man I gotta say, That's one book I didn't write, Yeah the good Lord knows I need it, I didn't write it but I probably ought to read it, The one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand, One that says don't cuss and don't fight, Or let the bottle turn you into a different man, But damn if I don't do it every Friday night, Those get you in the head with letters in red, I ain't getting red enough to keep me on a straight line, I'm a jack of all trades, But man I gotta say, That's one book I didn't write, That's one book I didn't write, That's one book I didn't write,