It was like March, April, ***in' Debra, ***in' Taurus, born in 1775, I'm like 300 or somethin', but I'm still alive I used to hang with the original Billy the Kid, you probably think I'm only playin', but I did My daddy's were a two-headed freak show, mama, a fortune teller, Esmeralda Zeller Anyway, they had *** on a Ouija board, and I was born the next day, violin J When I was 14, I tripped on the train track, and I was crushed right there on a steel rack, I'm all cold They thought it'd *** me up, I got up and itched my butt, and I'm like, what? Everybody tripped and called me the Clown Devil Boy, Child of the Witch, whatever Tied me up, burned me in through stones, had a few scrapes and cuts, smoky nuts After that, they started bowin' and shakin', prayin' to me, you know how the primitives get I said, get off my dick, I ain't a savior, I'm what you call a juggalo, and all I want is my flavor Four simple things in this bitch before I die A fat bitch named Bridget And a little sip of Faygo, too Till I get my *** in this mother***er, I won't ever die *** you! So anyway, 50 years passed, all my homies are old ass ***s, I ain't even gotten hair on my nuts I left the village in search of my ends, I wrestled alligators, battled Terminators Nothing ever killed me, nothing could harm me, I fought in the Civil War, Yankees Army I walked across enemy lines with a MAC-10, man, they didn't even have that *** back then How you just gonna come in my *** and *** it up? Well, at least make this *** sound real, man Walked across enemy lines with a planter, steady takin' cannonballs to the bones The war ended, I traveled the country horseback, until this fool tried to horsejack Put his cat to my head and blew my face up, pow, it didn't even smear the makeup I took his gun and put a divot in his neck, the sheriff didn't like it, I got indicted 87 long years in a state pen, until they finally forgot why they put me in They had to let me go, can't hold me on nothin', on the way out they're like, Yo, ain't you like a hundred and somethin'? I said, that's right, and I ain't gonna die till I get my ***, mother***er! I wanna rush the axe! I wanna know voodoo! A fat bitch named Bridget! Just a little sip or two Till I get my *** in this mother***er, I won't ever die! Yeah, yeah, I slept under bridges, lived in the valleys I climbed up mountains, searched the alleys More years passed and I still ain't died Now I'm in Detroit on the southwest side My homie has an Impala, blue 67 Last night we hit the road pushin' 111 I stuck my head out the window, tore the floor at the most And let my nugget ping off a light post Hell yeah, cuz! Hurts a little bit, but then you get a straight buzz The world hates me cause of *** like this They always try to kill me, but, miss! I know it's odd that my face is forever painted When I was born, the bitch-ass doctor fainted My tongue's a little long, I choke people with it Looks kinda nasty, but chicks dig it And I told you my neck can stretch for miles I sorta look like somethin' from the X-Files People wanna see me die more than a little bit But I'm a juggalo, and as a juggalo I want my *** And I ain't gonna die till I get it! I want a rusty axe I want to know voodoo A fat bitch, they preach it I said, Faggo, *** Mountain Dew And I did my *** And despite that, *** yeah, I won't ever die! Die! Die!