My first love was a virgin, only thirteen years old Tell Charlie I'm a grabber, on his pension day I'm told He showered her with badges, bought her lots of blues And then showed her his warhead, now, don't you think that's crude? He got her in a stranglehold, he got her in a club Before one bleeding night I'd lost my life To a UK star Then there was young Janice, as randy as they come Steve Roberts came and stole her, said he'd teach her how to drum He got her back to his place, he asked me to wish him luck And then said all I really want to know is, does she suck? He got her in a stranglehold, he got her in a club Before one bleeding night I'd lost my life To a UK star My last love was so pretty, she was sultry and teenage The old *** band made off with her, after putting her on stage Now it's a violent scene, and I came back with my gun And by the time I'd got there, the damage had been done They got her in a stranglehold, they got her in a club Before one bleeding night I'd lost my life To a UK star The moral of this story is plain for me to see If your girl's a UK subs fang, just call the CID Take her down to Bridgers, or up the ancient bridge Tank her up with vodka till the silly cow is sick We get her in a stranglehold, take her out in a pub Get her back to your place and never lose your love To a UK star To a UK star To a UK star