Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've been waiting for.
*!
*!
Thank you!
How cold, boy!
Will you welcome, please, the Arthur Negus of humour, Mr Ivor Biggan!
Good evening, Nebworth!
Hello!
Well, I feel so bad, you know somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down
Said I feel so bad, you know somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down



I've done bulldozed the whorehouse down
They used to call it the tannery takeaway
It's sold the hottest stuff in town
You know I feel so bad
Every single thing is wrong
It's the truth, I feel terrible, I feel so bad
I feel so bad, you know every single motherfucking thing is wrong
That's the first bit of swearing
Cause I got out of bed this morning
And I trot on the end of my dong
And it's terrible, but we're just not
I'm a footballer, baby, and I wear those football boots
Said I'm a footballer, baby, and I'm wearing all those football boots
You know I love to stick my center forward
And I dribble before I shoot
Watch me, watch me
Takes a rocking chair to rock
Takes a rollercoaster to roll
Takes a rocking chair to rock
Takes a rollercoaster to roll
Takes some of those disgusting magazines on the top shelf
Of the tobacconists to satisfy my soul
They do say that I've unlearned to play the guitar
By reading Bert Weeboop's book
Oh!
What was that?
It was Bert Weeboop's shooting in France
I thought that was absolutely bloody obvious
I'm a deep-sea diver
I touch bottom every single place that I goes
The helmet
Said I'm a deep-sea diver
I touch bottom every single place that I goes
Women, women, women, women
The women go crazy when I
Reel out my hose
You should see me reel it out, reel it out, reel it out
Well, I feel so bad
Somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down
You know I feel so bad
Somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down
They used to call it the Tandury Takeaway
It sold the hottest stuff in town
Takes a rollercoaster to roll
It takes a rocking chair to rock
You know, it takes a rollercoaster to roll
It takes a rocking chair to rock
And another thing
It takes a great big woman
With enormous basumas to satisfy my soul
Well, the rich girl wears a brassiere
And the poor girl uses string
True, listen
You know the rich girl wears a brassiere
And the poor girl, she uses string
Well, the rich girl wears a brassiere

But my kind of girl don't use nothing
You know, she lets the buckers swing
You know, I feel so bad
You know, somebody done bulldozed it down
You know, I feel so bad
You know, somebody done bulldozed the whorehouse down
They used to call it the Tandury Takeaway
It sold the hottest stuff in town
Takes a rollercoaster to roll
And another thing
Takes a rollercoaster to roll
And another thing
Takes the RPM coffee on ear
Takes the Tandury Takeaway
At the highest PR