Oh, lovely to meet you. Sitting here on Christmas Eve With a brandy in my hand Oh, I've had a few too many And it's getting hard to stand I keep hearing noises From my fireplace I must be going crazy Or the brandy's wandering And I keep hearing Ho, ho, ho, guess who's here Your fat, tan, jolly friend draws near Ho, ho, ho, surprise, surprise The bearded weirdo's just arrived Ho, ho, ho, guess who's here Your fat, tan, jolly friend draws near Ho, ho, ho, surprise, surprise The bearded weirdo's just arrived On my room there's a snorting sound Of bells inside my head But visions blurred with colour And all I see is red There's a pair of lopsided wellies That's coming down my blue And the smell of burning rubber Oh, it's filling up the room I keep hearing Ho, ho, ho, guess who's here Your fat, tan, jolly friend draws near Ho, ho, ho, surprise, surprise The bearded weirdo's just arrived Ho, ho, ho, guess who's here Your fat, tan, jolly friend draws near Ho, ho, ho, surprise, surprise The bearded weirdo's just arrived Ho, ho, ho, surprise, surprise The bearded weirdo's just arrived Ho, ho, ho, surprise, surprise The bearded weirdo's just arrived Ho, ho, ho, surprise, surprise The bearded weirdo's just arrived And we keep hearing Ho, ho, ho, guess who's here Your fat, tan, jolly friend draws near Ho, ho, ho, surprise, surprise The bearded weirdo's just arrived Ho, ho, ho, guess who's here Your fat, tan, jolly friend draws near Ho, ho, ho, surprise, surprise The bearded weirdo's just arrived Ho, ho, ho, guess who's here Your fat, tan, jolly friend draws near Ho, ho, ho, surprise, surprise The bearded weirdo's just arrived Ho, ho, ho, weep, weep, weep What the dog has said all day Ho, ho, ho, surprise, surprise The bearded weirdo's just arrived Ho, ho, ho, guess who's here Your fat, tan, jolly friend draws near Ho, ho, ho, surprise, surprise The bearded weirdo's just arrived Ho, ho, ho, guess who's here Your fat, tan, jolly friend draws near