for the activ... brir Give God the first portion of your income. Say that with me. GIVE GOD THE FIRST PORTION OF YOUR INCOME!!! Give it first. Not after the deducts. Not after the social security, the hospitalization, the malnutrition. Not after all these things on your check. You say, I'm gonna give God a little what's left. You do and that's what you're gonna get from God. Don't give you tranquility, just send your welfare checks to me. Life is going to expire, and your soul will burn in fire. You will perish in the thunder, unless you call my hotline number. God has asked you to make me rich, me and my fat wack Cardi bitch. On your TVs late at night, send those checks and I'll guide you to the light. Don't put away your wallet just yet, brothers and sisters. There's somebody here I'd like all of you to meet. This is little Jonathan. Jonathan, say hello to the lovely people. Jonathan has problems. Twisted neck, tangled legs, crooked spine. But we can heal this boy. For just $6,000 we can heal this boy. God called me and then stopped by, and he told me you're gonna die. Unless you buy my holy water, check, cash, or a money order. This is true, don't question me. I'll even send you *** for free. It's only $10 for the car, and I'll send a prayer. Don't charge at all. Put your lips up to the screen. Close your eyelids and intervene. Your lips timber, and I'll send the cash. And while you're there, you can ***. Take your paycheck and send me half, and I'll send you God's autograph. I'll get you Allah's and Buddha's too, even Zeus. I don't give a *** who. Just send me that money. Would you like to be healed, little Jonathan? Yeah, brother. You see, brothers and sisters, this is... Excuse me. I told him never to page me on a sermon day. Yes? Uh-huh. Hallelujah. Outta here. People, that was the Lord. Today only, he will heal this boy for just $5,000. Pass up collection day. Show me what the Pope taught me. Show me how you give. Pass up collection day. Give, give, give. Pass up collection day. Show me how you give. Pass up collection day. Show me how you give. Totals $22.11. Throw your set of keys to heaven. Make the checks out in my name. Me or God, it's all the same. Bring your crippled ass to me. Pay my usher the holy fee. I'll bless your lungs and bless your chair. Then wheel your bitch ass outta here. Now a special ceremony. This part don't cost any money. Drip a drop of blessed water. Now I fertilize your daughter. Even though I ***ed a hooker. Took your baby girl and shook her. You still buy everything I sell. And I'm living well. See you in hell. $4,800. $900. $5,000. Hallelujah. You did it, brothers and sisters. Are you ready, Jonathan? Lord Almighty, we have not surprised. Give me the healing power. I can feel it, Lord. Rume, Lume, Lama, Nama, Nume. This boy is healed. Really? Now to the naked eye, it would appear that this boy has not been healed. But I can assure you this boy's spirit has been healed. Inside this tangled, mangled frame is a healed little boy. His spirit is healed. Hallelujah. Country cooking, can I take your order? You want the red-eyed gravy with that? With chitlins or black-eyed peas? Let me cipher up your bill here. That comes to $14.95. $14.95. $14.95. $14.95. $14.95. $14.95. $14.95. $14.95. Okay, be ready. Quicker than two jiggles of a jackrabbit's ass.
