I want to tell you all a storyAbout a Hopper Valley widowed wifeWho had a teenage daughterWho attended Hopper Valley Junior HighWell, her daughter came home one afternoonAnd didn't even stop to playAnd she said, Mom, I got a note hereFrom the Hopper Valley PDWell, the note said, Mrs. JohnsonYou're wearing your dresses way too highIt's reported you've been drinkingAnd running around with men and going wildAnd we don't believe you ought to beA part of the Hopper Valley PDStop bringing up your little girl this wayAnd it was signed by the secretaryHopper Valley PTAWell, it happened that PTAWas gonna meet that very afternoonAnd they were sure surprisedWhen Mrs. Johnson wore her mini skirtInto the roomAnd they said, Mom, I got a note hereShe walked up to the blackboardI can still recall the words she had to sayShe said, I'd like to address this meetingOf the Hopper Valley PTAWell, there's Bobby Taylor sitting thereAnd seven times he's asked me for a dateAnd Mrs. Taylor sure seems to use a lot of iceWhenever he's awayAnd Mr. Baker, can you tell us whyYour secretary had to leave this townAnd shouldn't Widow Jones be told to keep herWhen the shades all pull completely downWell, Mr. Hopper couldn't be hereCause he stayed too long at Kelly's bar againAnd if you smell Shirley Thompson's breathYou'll find she's had a little nipUp the chinAnd then you have the nerves to tell meYou think that as the mother I'm not fitWell, this is just a little patent placeAnd you're all Hopper Valley hypocritesNo, I wouldn't put you onBecause it really didIt happened just this wayThe day my mama softenedTo the Hopper Valley PTAThe day my mama softenedTo the Hopper Valley PTA