I want to tell you all a story
About a Hopper Valley widowed wife
Who had a teenage daughter
Who attended Hopper Valley Junior High
Well, her daughter came home one afternoon
And didn't even stop to play
And she said, Mom, I got a note here
From the Hopper Valley PD
Well, the note said, Mrs. Johnson
You're wearing your dresses way too high
It's reported you've been drinking
And running around with men and going wild
And we don't believe you ought to be
A part of the Hopper Valley PD
Stop bringing up your little girl this way
And it was signed by the secretary
Hopper Valley PTA
Well, it happened that PTA
Was gonna meet that very afternoon
And they were sure surprised
When Mrs. Johnson wore her mini skirt
Into the room
And they said, Mom, I got a note here
She walked up to the blackboard
I can still recall the words she had to say
She said, I'd like to address this meeting
Of the Hopper Valley PTA
Well, there's Bobby Taylor sitting there
And seven times he's asked me for a date
And Mrs. Taylor sure seems to use a lot of ice
Whenever he's away
And Mr. Baker, can you tell us why
Your secretary had to leave this town
And shouldn't Widow Jones be told to keep her
When the shades all pull completely down
Well, Mr. Hopper couldn't be here
Cause he stayed too long at Kelly's bar again
And if you smell Shirley Thompson's breath
You'll find she's had a little nip
Up the chin
And then you have the nerves to tell me
You think that as the mother I'm not fit
Well, this is just a little patent place
And you're all Hopper Valley hypocrites
No, I wouldn't put you on
Because it really did
It happened just this way
The day my mama softened
To the Hopper Valley PTA
The day my mama softened
To the Hopper Valley PTA