Gasp is the cat at the theatre door. My name, as I ought to have told you before, is really Aspera Gasp, but that's such a house to pronounce that they usually call me just Gasp. My coat's very shabby, I'm thin as a rake, And I suffer from palsy, which makes my paws shake. Yet I was, in my youth, quite the smartest of cats, Though no longer a terror to mice or to rats. For I'm not the cat that I was in my prime, Though my name was quite famous, they say, in my time. And whenever I join my friends at their club, Which takes place at the back of the neighbouring pub, I love to regale them, if someone else pays, With anecdotes drawn from my pubious days. For I once was a star of the highest degree, I have acted with a villain, I've acted with a villain, I've acted with a villain, I've acted with a villain, I've acted with a villain, And I like to relate my success of the halls, When the gallery was game with seven catcalls. But my grandest creation, as I love to tell, Was Fyre Frostbillow, the villain of the fair. Then if someone will give me a toothful of gin, I will tell how I once played a party East Linn. In a Shakespeare performance, I once walked on pat, When some actor suggested the need for a cat. And I said, these kittens, they do not get trained, As we did in the days when Victoria ran. They do not get drilled in the regular troop, And they think it the smartest to jump to the hoop. When I say, as I scarce myself in my claws, Well, the theatre is certainly not what it ought. These modern productions are all very well, But there's nothing to equal on what I hit. That moment of mystery, when I made history, As Fyre Frostbillow, the villain of the fair. © BF-WATCH TV 2021