Him and I had been dating for four years.
And I just had this sneaking suspicion
that he was going to propose
because I had been pressuring him to do it.
So, you know, I just had this wacky women's intuition.
That's how proposals really work, okay?
A woman has to incept the idea into the man's head.
First passively, and then if he doesn't get the message,
extremely aggressively.
You gotta threaten to leave without ever actually leaving
because you know that you're too old.
And it's too late to go back out there
and find a new man and start the whole manipulation cycle
all over again.
So you're like, I'm just gonna stick with this dude,
focus on trapping this dude,
and just nag the * out of him.
Until he becomes weak and caves in
and gets fed up and is like,
shut the * up!
Fine, will you marry me?
And then afterwards, the woman is always like,
oh my God, he proposed!
It came out of nowhere!
And look, he got me the exact ring I wanted.
How did he know?
Maybe he saw it on my Pinterest page or something
that I sent to my best friend
that I told her to send to him every day.
Let me tell you something.
If a man has a Pinterest page,
he's probably Pinterested in men.
We got engaged on a Saturday.
I bought myself a new dress.
I bought my wedding dress the following Tuesday
because I had tried it on in 2012.
I was ready.
I was ripe.
I was rotten.
I need to be made into banana bread.
That's how rotten I was.