Ladies and gentlemen, in this evening's performance, the role of Fanny Bryce will be played by Barbara Streisand.
Mr. Ryan, oh listen, look, um, suppose all you ever had for breakfast was onion rolls.
Now, all of a sudden, one morning, in walks a bagel.
So, I mean, you take a look at it, you say, what is that?
Until you've tried it, that's my trouble. I'm a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls.
Nobody recognizes me. Listen, I got 36 expressions.
Sweet as pie to tough as leather.
And that's six expressions more than all them baron laws put together.
Instead of just kicking me, why don't they give me a lift?
Well, it must be a plot, because they're scared that I got such a gift.
Well, I'm Milton.
Lord, I'm the greatest star.
I am my father.
But no one knows in what way they're going to hear the voice.
A silver flute.
They'll cheer each tune.
Hey, that kid is terrific when I expose it.
Now, can't you see to look at me that I'm a natural Camille.
As Camille, I just feel I've so much to offer.
Hey, listen, kid, I know I'd be devoid because I'm a natural coiffer.
Some ain't got it, not a lot.
I'm a great big cloak of talent, lad.
They'll bend in half to hear a story about the traveling salesman.
A thousand jokes, stick around for the jokes.
A thousand faces I reiterate.
When you're gifted, then you're gifted.
These old fags have got no axe to grind.
Hey, what did they find in all of the work?
So, look, I'm the greatest star.
Who is the pip with pizzazz?
Who is all ginger and jazz?
Who is as glamorous as who's an American beauty rose
with an American beauty nose and ten American beauty toes?
Eyes on the target and one shot, one gunshot, and bam!
Hey, Mr. Zinfeld, here I am.
I'm the greatest star.
I am by far what no one knows.
That's why I was born.
I'll blow my horn till someone knows it.
I'm not a black or light, not a black or light.
I'm a covered terror.
All the world's gonna stare at me.
Lookin' down, you'll never see me.
Dry the sky, cause that'll be me.
I can make them cry.
I can make them sigh.
Someday they'll clamor for my drama.
Have you guessed yet who's the best yet?
If you ain't, I'll tell ya one more time.
You bet your last dime.
In all the world so far, I'm the greatest, greatest star.
Thank you.