I see you're all by yourself,
sittin' at the bar,
and I sit down beside you, my wee stoner.
My boyfriend has actually,
he's just gone to the clergy and he's seven feet
tall and he always carries an axe and he's the
leader of the Orchid Shuggle of Hell's Angels.
Oh aye?
Well if I beat up your boyfriend and I take away his axe,
and I set fire to his moped,
and I sit down beside you,
will you take a wee drink,
flower?
I'm drinking double brandies and baby cham.
Oh.
Well if I beat up your boyfriend and I take away his axe,
and I set fire to his moped,
and I sit down beside you,
and I buy you a double brandy and a baby cham,
can I run you home, my wee stoner?
I live in Wick.
Oh. Well if I beat up your boyfriend and I take away his axe,
and I set fire to his moped,
and I buy you a double brandy and a baby cham,
and I run you home to Wick,
will you ask me to the door,
flower?
You see,
we've really got an awfully damp close and it's full of crocodiles
and alligators and there's mice and there's rats in the dunny.
Oh aye?
Well if I beat up your boyfriend and I take away his axe,
and I set fire to his moped,
and I buy you a double brandy and a baby cham,
and I run you home to Wick,
and I don't get eaten by the crocodiles and the alligators,
will you ask me to come in,
my wee flower?
Oh,
it's awfully late and my mammy will be waiting
up for me and she'll likely have washed the lobby
floor and it'll be all covered in newspapers
and we've got a vicious big alligation dug that bites strangers,
my father,
he's worried about not getting his broom
money through and I'll have to wash my hair.
You don't really want me to see you again,
do you?
My mammy will be waiting for me.
You don't really like me, do you?
And my hair's going to get washed.
It's alright, I know when I'm no wanted.