I don't know when I started to feel so
old I don't know why I'm here and
maybe I won't
Why God lets me live in this beautiful world while others die
while others die
I grew up right here on this little street
So why does it feel unfamiliar to me?
And why can't I seem to fit into the world?
No matter where
I go
No matter where I go
The
last time I smoked weed was ages ago
I get paranoid so I won't anymore
But I'd smoke out of apples on my patio In my underwear
I burn my hair
I don't know where I go and I can't be present Oh,
I feel like dying,
I feel now I'm dying
I know there are scars that are just permanent But I'm still so young
I'm still so young I'm still so young
When I lost my grandmother I lost myself
I'm wearing the ring that she gave me at
the alms
But I swear to God I can't feel her no more
And it breaks my heart It breaks my heart
I moved to New York with my best friend
I shared the apartment and we shared a bed
I hope
that she found out who she was then
Cause I
still can't tell you who I am
I hate every tattoo I got on myself
I feel like I got them for somebody else
You can get them removed
So I might as well
I can start
over I can start over
Sometimes I starve myself when I'm alone
I wanna be thinner in all of my clothes
But
mostly I just wanna
love myself So I'll try
to stop
I'll try
to
stop I look up to my father like he'll never know
He gave me a beautiful life as lives go
One amount to half the man he is,
I suppose
But he taught me of God
He taught me of God
I met the man of my dreams after all
We'll marry each other and kids won't be long
I've
always been scared to be somebody's mom But I'm changing my mind
I'm changing my mind Can't remember what I wanted out of my life
Always wanted to be something more than a wife
I was a kid with some innocent eyes
Before I'd seen the things I've seen
My papa told me that he has his regrets But he wouldn't
change anything that he's done yet
He wouldn't even
unsmoke one cigarette
And I
believe him
And I don't believe him Nothing I sing even matters,
I bet
A lot of
artists can say things that I've said
I can list 25 at the top of my head
Better than me
Better than me
I came really far, yeah, whatever
that means
And you look at me and think I got my dreams
But I can't tell you what for the life of me I even
wanted I
even wanted
But life is what you make it
And love
is what you
make it
And pain
is how you take it And youth is what you make it
And old
age is what you make it
And fate
is what you make it
And life is what you make it