I've had a lot of part-time jobs, though.
That's what happens when you get two degrees in theater.
You get five part-time jobs.
They don't tell you that when you shine the paper.
And one of the weirdest ones I've ever had is I actually worked for a company
that sent Disney princesses to little kids' birthday parties,
except they didn't have the licensing to do any of the Disney princesses, right?
So the website, instead of Belle, it was like Bella, you know?
Instead of Ariel, it was Ariella.
I was playing El Say a lot, right?
Because Frozen's pretty popular.
So I go to this house in the suburbs.
I knock on the door.
The mom opens the door and looks at me and then slams the door in my face.
And I'm like, I don't think so.
I drove all the way out here.
I'm getting this $200 one way or another.
So I knock again.
She opens again.
I'm like, excuse me, ma'am, is there a problem?
And this woman looks at me like a * Disney villain,
and she says, no offense, but I don't really want fat Elsa
for my daughter's birthday.
And that really.
That really hurt, because I'm not Elsa.
I'm El Say.
But I did think of when, you know, Scar pushes Mufasa off that cliff.
And unfortunately, I did.
I did push that woman off a cliff.
I pushed her off a cliff, stole her husband.
I had no choice.
I had to break up that marriage.
I had to.
I had to.
No, but actually, what really happened is I walked away,
and I could just feel, like, those chains about to bust off.
I was like, get to the car, get to the car, get to the car, you know?
And as I'm walking, I feel this tap on my shoulder,
this little tiny tap, and I'm like, oh, *.
And I turn, and there's this kid there,
presumably going to the birthday party.
She looks me right in my eye.
She says, Elsa, is everything okay?
Is everything okay, kid?
Is everything okay?
No!
Everything's not okay!
I've been waiting all week to sing this * power ballad,
and that bitch told me I need to lose weight!
And, like, that's just why I think we should hug our kids more, you know?
Thank you.