So, like, as an adult, I feel like doing stand-up comedy
has been an odd experience for me, right?
Because, like, a lot of the men I work with in this industry
are what you would call late-in-life virgins.
And that's just not...
That's not my experience. That's not my truth.
I'm so sorry. I love that for them.
I love that that's actually your experience and truth.
It's not mine, because, like, I'm what you would call
an early-in-life hoe, you know?
I guess you could...
I guess you could say losing my virginity
was a bit like opening a can of Pringles, you know?
Once you pop, the fun don't stop.
Mm, salty.
But I think the hardest thing about being a very sexual teen
where I grew up is that the girls at school,
they would all talk * about me, right?
I remember this one girl in particular.
Her name was Samantha, right?
And she started telling everybody in the whole school
that Jamie Shriner will * you for a Domino's pizza.
And that really hurt.
Because I'll do it for a slice.
LAUGHTER