When you're dead on your feet and you're travelin' tired Your credit cards done all expired Sittin' on a Greyhound bus, Christmas Day And you just found out that last week's check For a one-night stand in Spider's Neck Just bounced, and the cat that signed it did a fade If there really ain't too much you can do Then just go out and drink a few And mark another page in your book of dues and pay Yeah, you dumb knucklehead And you get a letter from your spouse Return address to your best friend's house Says he took her in when the rent money was delayed And as you wonder why the letter is in past tense A page later on she do commence To tell you why she's turnin' you in on trade If there really ain't too much you can do Then just go out and drink a few And mark another page in your book of dues and pay I swear, my momma had to raise some kind of fool Sometimes I think I'll be pickin' grapefruit instead of guitar If there really ain't too much you can do Then just go out and drink a few And mark another page in your book of dues and pay Well, just when you think that you got it made You worked so hard and you made it great Believe you me, bud, I know it was quite a pull Yeah, that up-walkin' woman with the kid that's cute And in her left hand a fraternity suit Your memory tells ya her story ain't no bull If there really ain't too much you can do Then just go out and drink a few And mark your book of dues and pay Yeah, you heard me, pay, slap, dab and fool Oh well, whatcha got? Half a nothin's nothin' Oh well, I think I'll get my brother-in-law to be my agent He's as good as the guy I got down Twenty-two dollars for a suit and tailed room My momma looked like she raised some kind of fool I ain't gonna pay that kind of money I'll sleep with some woman, woman, black girl I ain't seen no woman except some chick from the Salvation Army that lasts for two months Wouldn't I ever do come out here on the road anyway?