May 10th. Thank God for the rain which has helped wash away the garbage and the trash off the sidewalks. I'm working long hours now, six days a week, sometimes seven days a week. It's a long hustle but it keeps me real busy. I can take in three, three-fifty a week, sometimes even more when I do it off the meter. All the animals come out at night, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets. I go all over. I take people to the Bronx, Brooklyn. I take them to Harlem. I don't care. Don't make no difference to me. It does to some. Some won't even take spooks. Don't make no difference to me. Each night when I return the cab to the garage I have to clean the back seat. Some nights I clean off the blood. Twelve hours of work and I still can't sleep. Damn. Days go on and on. They don't end. All my life needed was a sense of someplace to go. I don't believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention. I believe that someone should become a person like other people. Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, in stores. Everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man. June 8th. My life has taken another turn again. The days move along with regularity, over and over. And suddenly there is a change. June 29th. I gotta get in shape now. From now on it'll be 50 pushups each morning. 50 pullups. From now on it'll be total organization. Every muscle must be tight. The idea had been growing in my brain for some time. True force. All the king's men cannot put it back together again. You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talking to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? Huh? Okay. Listen you screwheads. Here's a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the dogs, the filth. Here is someone who stood up. Now I see it clearly. My whole life is pointed in one direction. I see that now. There never has been any choice for me.
