Now Delaney had a donkey that everyone admired
Temporally lazy and permanently tired
A leg at every corner, balance in his head
And a tail to let you know which end he wanted to be fed
Riley, slyly, said we've underrated it
Why not train it? Then they took a rag
They rubbed it, scrubbed it, they oiled and embricated it
Got it at the post and when they started dropped the flag
There was Riley, pushing it, shoving it
Shushing it, hogging, logging and everyone in town
Lined up attacking it and shoving it and smacking it
They might as well have tried to push the town hall down
The donkey was eyeing them, openly defying them
Winking, blinking and twisting out of place
Riley reversing it, everybody cursing it
The day Delaney's donkey ran the half mile race
The muscles of the mighty never known to flinch
They couldn't hold a donkey a quarter of an inch
Delaney's donkey ran the half mile race
Delaney lay exhausted, hanging round his throat
With a grip just like a Scotsman on the five pound note
Starter, carter, he lined it with the rest of them
When it saw them, it was willing then
It raced up, raced up, ready for the best of them
They started off to cheer it, but it changed its mind again
And there was Riley, pushing it, shoving it, shushing it
Hogging, logging and Mary Ann McGrath
She started poking it and grabbing it and choking it
It kicked her in the bus, it kicked her in the bus
And it laughed, hee-haw
The Whigs and Conservatives, the Radical Superlatives
Liberals and Tories, they hurried to the place
Stood there in unity, helping the community
The day Delaney's donkey ran the half mile race
The crowd began to cheer it and rafferty the judge
He came up to assist them, but still it wouldn't budge
And the jockey who was riding it, the little John McGee
Was so thoroughly disgusted that he went and had his tea
Hagan, Fagan were students of some sort
He was a man of psychology, swore they'd shift him with some dynamite
They bought it, brought it, and without apology
The donkey gave a sneeze and blew the whole lot out of sight
And there was Riley, pushing it, shoving it, shushing it
Hogging, logging and all the valley crew
Police and auxiliary, the garrison artillery
The second in the skillings and the lifeguards too
They seized it and harried it, they picked it up and carried it
Cheered it, steered it to the winning place
Then the bookmakers drew a sign
And they all committed suicide
The day Delaney's donkey won the half mile race