Now Delaney had a donkey that everyone admiredTemporally lazy and permanently tiredA leg at every corner, balance in his headAnd a tail to let you know which end he wanted to be fedRiley, slyly, said we've underrated itWhy not train it? Then they took a ragThey rubbed it, scrubbed it, they oiled and embricated itGot it at the post and when they started dropped the flagThere was Riley, pushing it, shoving itShushing it, hogging, logging and everyone in townLined up attacking it and shoving it and smacking itThey might as well have tried to push the town hall downThe donkey was eyeing them, openly defying themWinking, blinking and twisting out of placeRiley reversing it, everybody cursing itThe day Delaney's donkey ran the half mile raceThe muscles of the mighty never known to flinchThey couldn't hold a donkey a quarter of an inchDelaney's donkey ran the half mile raceDelaney lay exhausted, hanging round his throatWith a grip just like a Scotsman on the five pound noteStarter, carter, he lined it with the rest of themWhen it saw them, it was willing thenIt raced up, raced up, ready for the best of themThey started off to cheer it, but it changed its mind againAnd there was Riley, pushing it, shoving it, shushing itHogging, logging and Mary Ann McGrathShe started poking it and grabbing it and choking itIt kicked her in the bus, it kicked her in the busAnd it laughed, hee-hawThe Whigs and Conservatives, the Radical SuperlativesLiberals and Tories, they hurried to the placeStood there in unity, helping the communityThe day Delaney's donkey ran the half mile raceThe crowd began to cheer it and rafferty the judgeHe came up to assist them, but still it wouldn't budgeAnd the jockey who was riding it, the little John McGeeWas so thoroughly disgusted that he went and had his teaHagan, Fagan were students of some sortHe was a man of psychology, swore they'd shift him with some dynamiteThey bought it, brought it, and without apologyThe donkey gave a sneeze and blew the whole lot out of sightAnd there was Riley, pushing it, shoving it, shushing itHogging, logging and all the valley crewPolice and auxiliary, the garrison artilleryThe second in the skillings and the lifeguards tooThey seized it and harried it, they picked it up and carried itCheered it, steered it to the winning placeThen the bookmakers drew a signAnd they all committed suicideThe day Delaney's donkey won the half mile race