I'm sick and tired of my generation getting blamed for the state of the planet. I'm sick of my generation getting called the TV generation. Well, are you guys TV? Do you watch TV? What'd you expect? We watched Lee Harvey Oswald get shot live on TV one Sunday morning. We were afraid to change the *** channel for the next 30 years. This show sucks, yeah, but Tony might get shot during the commercial. Now, hang on. That's what's wrong in this country. We always shoot the wrong guys. We shoot JFK. We shoot RFK. It comes to Teddy, we go, Ah, leave him alone. He'll *** it up himself. No problem, you know? Biggest target in the whole goddamn Kennedy family. Nobody takes a shot at him. He weighs about 7,000 pounds. You could shoot a bullet in Los Angeles and hit him in the ass in Boston five minutes later. He'd be standing on the lawn at the Kennedy compound going, Oh, there's a bullet in my ***. Ted Kennedy, good senator, but a bad date. You know what I'm saying, folks? One of those guys gets home around four o'clock in the morning and goes, What did I forget? Oh, the *** girl. What's the matter with me? Jesus, where are my pants? Holy ***. Because I'll tell you, folks, we've got a real problem with guns in this country. We have people snapping almost twice, three, four, five times a year, right? People just snap. They can't take it anymore. They snap, they go into McDonald's and kill 15 people. I mean, what the *** is going on down at the post office? Every six months, some guy gets fired, comes back and kills all his co-workers. If I worked at the post office as a supervisor, I wouldn't lay anybody off the next 25 *** years. I'd just walk around going, Hanrahan, what are you doing? Nothing. Well, keep it up. You're doing a great job. Jesus. I'll tell you. And I am sick and tired of New York taking the blame in this country for the crime problem. You know, whenever you read a fact chart, it always says Detroit leads the world in rape and murder and everything else. But New York takes the blame. New York's a cesspool. It's a cesspool of filth and crime. We're moving. Hey, I just moved here four years ago and I'm not leaving because this is the most exciting place in the world to live. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there are so many ways to die in New York City. Come on. Race riots, drive-by shootings, subway crashes, construction cranes collapsing on the sidewalks, manhole covers blowing up, and asbestos shooting into the sky. We had a subway crash here a couple of years ago. Five people died. The next day they found out the driver was drunk and hooked on crack. Folks, this makes Disneyland look like a *** bike ride, doesn't it? Your driver today is Edward. He's drunk and hooked on crack. The man sitting next to you has a loaded nine millimeter. Good luck, folks. Honey, get the camera out. This is going to be *** great. Yeah, I love living in New York, man. And people who live in New York, we wear that fact like a badge right on our sleeve because we know that fact impresses everybody. I was in Vietnam. So what? I live in New York. Really? Yeah, because New York teaches you to live life the way it should be lived. Moment to moment. Yes, because every moment in New York could be your last. Oh, yeah, yeah. You could be walking down the street tomorrow, feeling good about yourself, drink-free, drug-free, looking forward to the future. And somebody accidentally nudges their poodle off a 75th floor ledge. And he's headed for the ground at 175,000 miles per hour. And kerchunk is embedded in your head. You're dead on contact. The headline in the post the next day reads, My best friend. People cut the article out, and they laugh about it at the office, and you're forever remembered as the poodle man. I knew the poodle man, and he hated *** poodles. New York teaches you to live life moment to moment, and street to street, and beat to beat. Because we've all played that street to street game in New York, haven't we? Yes, we have. Good block, bad block. Good block, bad block. Gun block, crack block. Asbestos block. Poodle block, poodle block. Because most people think life sucks, and then you die. I disagree. I think life sucks, then you get cancer. Then you go into chemotherapy, you lose all your hair, you feel bad about yourself. Then all of a sudden, the cancer goes into remission. You come out, you look good, you feel good, you're going great. All of a sudden, you have a stroke, you can't move your right side. And one day, you step off the curb at 68th by Lincoln Center, and bang, you get hit by a bus, and then maybe you die. Because I think Jim Henson said it best when he said, anybody got any aspirin? I think I got a cold. And a chill filled the room. We all have this incredible attachment to the Muppets, don't we? We love the Muppets. They're so cute. Did you hear about Jim Henson's funeral there in New York City? Who? Kermit the Frog and Big Bird saying, it's not easy being green at Jim Henson's funeral. If I'm 56 years old when I kick the bucket, and a *** sock is singing at my funeral, I'm going to pop out of that car and go, hey, what the hell is this about? Say my name is Junior against Frank Sinatra, I get a *** sock, I'm *** now.