I was sittin' in a bar, boozin' and losin'

And some jackoff walks up cruisin' for a bruisin'

Poppin' off and makin' my whole redneck red

He asked my girl if she'd like to dance

He had three buddies so I had no chance

I looked around the room for a friend and I saw Fred

A quick evaluation of the situation

And we entered into a conversation

It seemed to last the better part of the next two songs

Now I didn't say and they didn't ask

But Fred did two tours over in Iraq

And, son, it was over before it was even on. Call a Marine

Instead of 911

They're built to improvise, adapt and overcome

When you're in knee deep and you're up ***'s creek

And you've tried everything

Tell you what you do

Call a Marine! Now my sister's husband didn't love her no more

And he runned off with a skinny little ***

And left her sittin' around the house with a couple of kids

She just lays around in that muumuu gown

Old girl put on about 35 pounds

One day I went over to her house and I said, "Hey, sis"

If you wanna fix what troubles you

Just ease down to the VFW

And you'll walk through the door and turns those boys' heads

For most of those boys it's been awhile

Just show a little leg and that Marlboro smile

And if that don't work out for you, girl, ask for Fred. Call a Marine

Instead of 911

They're built to improvise, adapt and overcome

If you're in knee deep and you're up ***'s creek

You've tried everything

Tell you what you do

Call a Marine! Some douche bag rises up and overthrows his government

Diplomacy ain't workin' and the ammos all been spent

The world is in a crisis and the media's a curse

I'll tell you what to do

When it goes from bad to worse Call a Marine

Instead of 911

They're built to improvise, adapt and overcome

When you're in knee deep and you're up ***'s creek

And you've tried everything

Tell you what you do

Call a Marine! Tell you what to do, baby

You can call

Call a Marine!

Yeah! Yeah!