Immanuel Kant was a real pissant

Who was very rarely stable

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar

Who could think you under the table David Hume could out-consume

Schopenhauer and Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine

Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya

'Bout the raising of the wrist

Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed John Stuart Mill, of his own free will

On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill

Plato, they say, could stick it away

Half a crate of whiskey every day Aristotle, Aristotle was a *** for the bottle

Hobbes was fond of his dram

And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart

"I drink, therefore I am" Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed

A lovely little thinker

But a *** when he's pissed