Ho, ho, ho, play it grandpa

Yeah, play it, let's tell them a little story

About what happened this Christmas

Yeah, tell them, tell 'em 'bout Christmas Christmas eve, I didn't get much sleep

I kept hearing things, heavy breathing from the chimney

Who could it be? I'll tell you what it was

What happened then, Ben? Yeah, what happened?

Well, I went back to sleep

You went back to sleep? Back to sleep?

*** tired man, went back to sleep And in the morning, I couldn't believe my eyes

A whale of a corpe with a long white beard

Was dangling over the fire Oh, Santa he's a big fat ***

Went down the chimney got his fat ass stuck

Oh, honey, call the lawyers fast

'Cause Mrs. Clause is gonna sue my ass

Hey, hey, hey Okay grandpa, step up

Sing in this thing right here

Tell 'em what you saw

Tell 'em what you saw grandpa I gotta tell you folks

He wasn't wearin' no clothes

He musta rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco oil

From his back down to his toes While I was talking to the cops outside

The dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs

They hauled him away in a double wide

What a sad, sad way to die

Hey, hey, hey Santa, he's a big, fat ***

Went down the chimney, got his fat ass

Oh, honey call the lawyers fast

Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass