You
sat on the edge of my bed, 3am light
Voice soft like you were reading my obituary
You deserve someone who doesn't flinch at the word forever
I laughed but it cracked in the middle
Cause the truth tastes like rust when it's
gentle You listed all the ways I'm gold
How I remember your coffee order,
how I never yell
How I stayed through the panic attacks and the silent spells
And you said that's exactly why I have to go
Like love was a prize I won that you refused to hold
You keep handing me this trophy Engraved,
too good for the mess I am
I keep trying to give it back,
but you won't take it So here I stand
You say I deserve better And God I hate that you're right
I hate that I'm the kind of man who'd still choose you every night
I could've guarded sunsets,
someone who stays But I want your storms,
your 4am ghosts,
your half-lit face
Yeah I deserve better,
but better doesn't taste like you
No, no, no But better doesn't taste like you
I
tried on the future you freed me for Girls who text back,
girls who plan,
girls who shine
They smell like new books and tomorrow You
still smell like the hoodie I can't throw out
Like rain on my fire escape and the last
drag of a cigarette we shared at nineteen
They ask about my scars,
I lie and say I'm fine You put half of
them there and kissed everyone goodnight
Tell me how to warn clean hands when yours left bruises I still trace
Tell me how to sleep diagonal when the left side still has your shape
You keep saying go be happy,
like happiness is a place you're not
I keep thinking maybe broken is the only way I know how to warn
You say I deserve better And damn it hurts cause it's true
I could've peaceful,
I could've proud I could've mornings that don't start with you
But peaceful doesn't moan my name like it's a prayer
Proud doesn't cry in my passenger seat
Better doesn't know how I take my grief
Yeah I deserve better,
but I only want the worst of you and me
I know the math,
you plus me Slow death by a thousand almost
But subtraction never felt so wrong I'd
rather bleed out in your hallway than
healing someone else's arms
So keep you, you deserve better
I'll keep the den in my chest where
you fit I know I'm worth whole galaxies
But I'm still begging for your broken pieces of it
One day I'll probably thank you For pushing me toward the sun
But tonight I'm on the kitchen floor
loving the only way I've ever loved anyone
Ooh,
you
were right I do deserve better
I just don't want it If better isn't you