I read a magazine
called Viz
it's like a
comic for adults
basically and they're kind of famous for having
these fake adverts in and I saw this
advert in it and it made me really laugh
and then I kept seeing the same advert
in Viz until I realised it was a genuine
advert
it's for bald men
there might be some bald men in the room, I don't care if you're bald
I'm not going to make fun of you
but see if this sounds like a good idea
it's called scalp micropigmentation
and it costs £5,000
and what they do is they take the bald
man into like a Harley Street
clinic, they anaesthetise him
and then they get a tattoo gun
and they tattoo tens of thousands of dots
all over his head
that's the technique
does that sound like a good idea to anyone?
even in the advert, they advertise it with like
a before and after for it
and he looks genuinely angrier
in the after photo
and they're like a guaranteed look of hair
I'm like that's not a guaranteed look of hair
that's like a guaranteed look that you've like fallen asleep
with a playgroup
the thing that annoys me is like it's all rubbish
you know, I see these adverts on TV
it's for something called
L'Oreal anti-aging
moisturising cream, you've probably seen the advert yourself
and they're talking about the cream
they're holding the cream up
and there's like small
print going along the bottom of the screen
you know, and it says something like
89% of 136 women agree
so it's sort of like
distracting you from the bullshit
you know, with like a maths problem
and it's like
119.9
like 120 women
but like one's got like a missing finger
think that the L'Oreal anti-aging
moisturising cream works
and it doesn't work
they prove in the advert it doesn't work
because the face of L'Oreal
anti-aging moisturising cream
is the actress
Andy McDowell
and she has been the face of L'Oreal
anti-aging moisturising cream
for a period of 25 years
a period of time over which I have observed
she has aged
she looks good
you know, don't get me wrong
I don't know what L'Oreal are doing with her
in between the adverts
steeping her in a barrel of brine
or laminating her every couple of weeks
she looks top class
but she doesn't look like she hasn't aged
it seems odd to me to choose
the same woman to advertise anti-aging cream
for like a quarter of a century
I had a guy heckle in Edinburgh
he goes
oh what they should have done is
after the first advert
they should have cryogenically frozen Andy McDowell
and then periodically defrosted her
for subsequent adverts
I was like mate
I know plastic surgery technology currently isn't great
but like cryogenic freezing is even worse
like the first time they defrosted her
she'd be a dead woman
and he just went like this
and I was like well
he said she was a fish
he didn't say she had to be alive
you imagine that I'd come
but she's just like propped up on a table
there's like loads of alive women sat around her
someone like moving over a stick
people are like oh yeah I might buy the cream
she looks really peaceful