Aunt Matilda loved Uncle Ted
At least that's what Matilda said
But Uncle Ted had another sweet lass
And that's why he turned on the gas
Now he didn't bother to light the ring
Just slapped her face and began to sing
Oh dear Matilda,
at last I've gone and killed her
Oh dear Matilda,
the last laugh's on me
Aunt Matilda just wasn't amused Turning shades of delicate blues
She closed her eyes and she passed away The angels took her next day
Ted just stared at his flower-draped
wife And sighed with a tear in his eye,
that's life
Oh dear Matilda,
I never should have killed her Oh dear Matilda,
the last laugh's on me
The case was heard behind locked
doors When Ted appeared before the law
In his defence,
her solicitor said Ted was sorry that his wife was dead
For he was only making tea for his long-lost
dame And somehow forgot to light the flame
Oh dear Matilda,
Ted never could have killed her And your honour,
she would say so if only
she were here
Ted he danced around the court Saying
the judge was a jolly good sport
For after all he had set him free Saying she died accidentally
Norse-sea gas had caught her breath So she died a natural death
Oh dear Matilda,
the last laugh's on you