Boy, I hope I get a birdie, and maybe she'll look like Terry Clark or Faith Hill or somebody.Hope this ain't a party line.Here we go!I stayed up in the house watching CMT, thought I'd have a late night snack, so I headed tothe kitchen on a cup or she'll break, when something called me back.It was the sexiest voice that I'd ever heard coming out of my television set.Said, call now, you can hear me live, and I'll tell you about my naughtiness.So without hesitation or further ado, I grabbed ahold of my Visa and dialed the number flashingon my screen, one-nine-hundred, she-duh.And you can tell me, I'm in for a fantasy, one-nine-hundred, she-duh.Oh, man.So I kicked back in the recliner, and on the second ring, she whispered, hello, this isSheila, your credit card number, please.I said, how much will it cost for this here trip to paradise?She said, you can't put a price on love.That's another four-ninety-eight minute goodbye.After an hour of conversation, she had me chewing on a receiver.I worked up a sweat, I was out of breath, over one-nine-hundred, Sheila.You can tell it all to me, I'm in for a fantasy, one-nine-hundred, Sheila.Like a man possessed, I dialed her number morning, noon, and night.And slowly but surely, we fell in love as my phone bill shot out of sight.After so many costly heart-to-hearts, I just had to meet her face-to-face.She wouldn't give me her home address, so I had her number traced.Well, I thought it'd lead to a passion palace, a penthouse in the sky.And I must admit, I was a little let down when I found her in a double-white.A double-white.That beauty that I envisioned, that goddess that drove me crazy.I answered the door with a cigar in her mouth and weighed in at over two-eighty.They say love conquers all, well, I reckon it's true, even when it's for a fee.We said, I do, and now we're one, though she makes two of me.And she talks to me no charge, every time she takes a breather.And I'll never have to work as long as all you jerks that I want.Nine hundred, shady.You can tell on me, I'm your phone fantasy.One nine hundred, shady.I love you, baby. Come here to me.
